She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
