So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
