you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize