you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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