If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
