yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize