and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
