idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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