She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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