he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
