the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
