PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
