Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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