I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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