Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
