I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
