I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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