watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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