I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
