There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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