Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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