I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've blown a few things in my day
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
