You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
