Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
