Don't make out with my wife yet
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
