This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
