Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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