I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize