It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
