you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
