He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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