i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
