This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
