It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
