Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
