So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize