but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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