just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
