eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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