i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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