Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
