So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize