i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
