she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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