matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
