and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
