Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
