I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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