It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
