i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
