If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
