He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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