You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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