My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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