idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize