You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
