St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize