I hate your face
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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