My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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