u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
