youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize